When I saw this top up for swapping from Hannah, I was immediately drawn to it. Emily wore it in a more office-appropriate way, because she is brilliant at taking outrageous garments and making them work friendly, but me? I had to go all the way, especially considering these genuine 1960’s sunglasses that were just given to me!
Despite my adoration for the pretty housewife-ness of the 40’s and 50’s, I am always most drawn to bright, psychedelic 60’s and flowing, hippie 70’s wear the most. I have often tried directing my style more towards the housewife era, but it really never works. I love bright colors way too much, and also sometimes a girl just needs to wear a totally outrageous maxi dress, okay? So I obviously had to request the top, and I am so thrilled that it fit over my 38-weeks-pregnant belly!
I do not, however, spare much adoration for my legs, so this might be one of the very few times you see me wearing shorts here OR on my own blog. My thighs used to be one of the biggest insecurities I had, but now… well, I am not going to say that I’m working on loving them or anything like that because you know what? I’m not. I know they’re there, and I am okay with baring them in shorts in the summer because the stretch marks, cellulite, and jiggling they possess are just a fact of life and I am not ashamed of my thighs. I just don’t like them that much. It’s always really wonderful to me to see other women learn to love their less-than-loveable parts, but I prefer a more realistic confession: I am working on them.
I am working on making them stronger and more capable of doing squats without wimping out on the third one. I am working on whittling away a little bit of the fat that causes painful chafing in the summer unless I wear bike shorts or lather up with anti-chafe sticks. And yes, I am working on losing some weight in that area so that I can eventually fit a smaller size. Or at the very least, rock a shift dress without the hip area being tight while the bust area is way too big.
Somehow, I have always gotten the impression from the internet that a woman admitting she wants to lose weight or be fitter is some sort of weakness or somehow anti-body-positive. But I think there are tough love methods to being body positive, too. I want to take care of my body and ensure that it is strong, fit, and attractive to my husband. This doesn’t come from self-loathing. I am not beaten down as a whole just because I don’t really like my thighs. It doesn’t affect my overall confidence that I’ll never have a thigh gap (because what IS that anyway, like… really ladies? No.)
It comes from a wish for my whole self to be the best self that it can be, because I care about the health and appearance of my body. I don’t know how to say this without coming off as entirely vain, but I love who I am. And in that love is also a desire to always improve the areas that need improvement. I want these legs to be able to carry me up a mountain hike, or run around with my kids at the playground, or endure a long walk at dusk. Right now, they can’t really do any of that very well.
I think many people today misunderstand love to mean total and complete acceptance no matter what, and forget that sometimes love — even unconditional love — means acknowledging and improving (or helping to improve) flaws. The more you love someone, the more you are willing to be the first person who steps out and says “hey, I think you need some help in this area” if they’re doing something wrong. And that goes for my body too, in a different kind of body-positive light.
Top, Hannah’s (similar ones here and here)| shorts, old | headscarf, gift | sunglasses and earrings, vintage/gift | shoes, Modcloth
So, here are my thighs, flaws and all. I don’t love the way they look right now, and that’s okay. Because we’re working on it.
How about you? Do you think body acceptance is a love-all-no-matter-what thing, or do you think part of being body positive is being productive and improving those things that you want to improve?
shapedbystyle.wordpress.com 
Oh my goodness I can’t believe I haven’t responded to this post sooner! I love how you are aware of keeping your body healthy. I actually found a quote at the beginning of this year that said “Love yourself enough to live a healthy lifestyle”. That quote really struck a chord with me because I had never viewed it that way! I think that loving yourself/body acceptance isn’t just about loving/accepting only certain areas of your body- it’s mainly about accepting yourself as a whole. I used to catch myself picking at my body all the time, not leaving the house because I felt particularly aware of how overweight or “pudgy” I felt, especially my arms and stomach. But I really started concentrating on changing my mindset and while it’s still a work in progress.. it has really changed my life so far. I really do love myself now. All of myself. I used to be extremely open towards hating my body, constantly sarcastically joking about it. “My arms are SO flabby. Batwing alert!” *flaps arms wildly* “Rolls on rolls on rolls” *jiggles stomach*. So used to, I would totally agree on not liking my stomach or arms, but I actually do now, even though they’re not where they’re supposed to be. I believe the body and soul are two different beings. You are a soul that was given a body for a worldly purpose, just as Jesus took on human flesh. I’ve been through a lot to make my stomach and arms the way they are. Countless medicines that threw my entire body out of whack, struggling so hard to lose weight and regaining it, going a full year of being bed ridden, nights crying and bingeing in front of the tv feeling sorry for myself, surviving a young heart wrenching divorce, etc. My stretchmarks are my battle scars. My rolls and cellulite and jiggles are reminders of what my body has survived throughout it’s existence. It has carried my soul through the battlefield and even though it’s been wounded and scarred, it’s perfectly imperfect. If you look at it from such a larger perspective, you’ll see the whole picture. Start loving those beautiful thighs no matter what stage they’re at! Even when they’re weak to you, they are strong. They’ve carried you through this life for 27 years. Embrace that! :) <3
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I love the idea of thinking about your body under the lens of “does it function”! Putting things in to the context of, are my arms strong enough to swing my kid from my arms, or am i fit enough to go running around my family in the park, or an abundance of other things really does bring a different sort set of thoughts and ideas to it all i think.
Also i agree with hannah, you look groovy :), like totally psychedelic… Right on!
:D
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“to still go ahead and work on making them stronger, or getting them to fit into a shift dress, but doing that with LOVE.” — that’s what I was trying to get at, but I think I worded it oddly. Perhaps not so much giving extra love to my thighs, but exercising the love that includes wanting them to be the best they can be. A love that accepts them as they are, while still working towards what they CAN be.
I love your thoughts on this!
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This is a tough topic (in a good way), and one I have been thinking about a lot! The way I think of it is: You can love something/someone, AND want it to change. But for most of us. holding those two things in our hearts at the same time is really difficult. It’s way too easy to get caught up in making it conditional (as in, I will love my thighs when they’re thinner). That’s not love – not yet. That’s the same thing as saying, “I will love my husband’s thighs when they are thinner.” Too often, we give our love much more generously to other people than we do to ourselves. So I would argue that self-love would ask you to go ahead and love your thighs EVEN THOUGH they may not look the way you would like. To, in fact, offer them EXTRA love because they might not be what you would like. And to still go ahead and work on making them stronger, or getting them to fit into a shift dress, but doing that with LOVE. And compassion for yourself. Does that make any sense?
ps I love this post, and I love that top on you! When I saw it I was like, “oooooh Kristina is totally going to want to swap this one too!” :)
http://blog.breadandrosesvintage.com
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OH MAN why did I not think to do something like that in my title!!! I was trying to think of good 60’s slang but my brain is dead these days. :D
Totally agree! Sometimes I wish I could have people comment and then rewrite my post because it brings up more thoughts. But that’s what comment discussions are for! I think one big thing I see in body-positive/self-love type posts today is a lack of acknowledging that it’s totally okay NOT to like certain parts of the way you look (as long as that dislike isn’t leading to a disorder of some kind, that’s where it gets bad!) and that it IS okay to want to actively change your body because you think it could be better. A lot of self-love posts only talk about loving your whole self exactly as you are and… I guess convincing yourself that every little bit of you is awesome until you start to love the flaws, too. Which is also okay, but… I think the fact that it’s fine not to love every flaw is important, too.
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This outfit is groovy! Had to go there. #sorrynotsorry
I do believe that self love is a journey and sometimes you’ll love everything about yourself, some days you’ll hate the way you look and other days you’ll pick and choose. I think having a positive mindset is good, knowing that your body isn’t inherently bad, it just doesn’t look like how you’d want it to look or you know it could work better and you actually are active in trying to fix that (or not, sometimes you really just can’t fix things). I’m no expert but I’d say you’re doing it right!
Hannah | The Outfit Repeater
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Yes, very true! There’s definitely a balance between wanting to improve, but accepting what you cannot change, and I feel like most body-positivity posts tend to lean too far one way or the other. As in, touting that you must love EVERY part of your body no matter what and want to flaunt it all because you’re so fantastic and it’s not flaws it’s just perception, etc… or there are the posts that are all about working to be the ideal and not acknowledging that everyone has a different shape. Not every woman (very few women, actually) is going to have a thigh gap, or an hourglass figure, or a flat stomach, or whatever is still the highest rated thing to chase after.
But accepting the things you can’t change (aka, I will never have a thigh gap or be a size 2, and I’m more than okay with that) and working on the things you CAN in the positive light of healthy self improvement, that’s where the sweet spot is. I don’t want to work out merely to lose weight: I want to be strong and capable and I love the feeling of knowing that my body can do great things because it is healthy. And yes, losing a small amount of weight is also a goal of mine, but it’s not the ONLY goal, and if I don’t end up losing weight but I do get stronger, then I’m okay with that, too! Because… numbers are fickle. Muscle weighs more than fat. And clothing sizes vary in the SAME STORE just because different designers cut things different ways.
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I definitely think love is about improvement. Loving yourself enough to stay healthy and strong is an honorable act. But I also think it’s worth recognizing when something CAN’T be changed. We can only lose so much weight. We can’t change our shapes or our bone structures, and I think it’s important to strike a reasonable balance there and let yourself off the hook a little. Some people will never have a thigh gap because of how their hips are shaped, and that’s just fine.
“I am not going to say that I’m working on loving them or anything like that because you know what? I’m not. I know they’re there, and I am okay with baring them in shorts in the summer because the stretch marks, cellulite, and jiggling they possess are just a fact of life and I am not ashamed of my thighs. I just don’t like them that much. ” THIS SO MUCH. This is exactly how I feel. I don’t think every part of me has to be beautiful; I think that actually overstates the importance of beauty. I want to get to a place where I acknowledge the practical purpose of my thighs, go “okay, yeah, they do their thing”, and then stop thinking about them and move on to other things.
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